b Self-Helpless: True Tales of a Working Girl: Take the Gun, Leave the Cannoli

9/10/2006

 

Take the Gun, Leave the Cannoli

There’s a book I’ve been peeking at called Managing Workplace Negativity.

There’s a little chapter in here which provides “quick fixes” for overcoming individual and team negativity. I read some of these tips and had instant knee-jerk reactions to them. After the first two or three it felt like I was responding to a Rorschach ink blot test. Here’s a glimpse of what was going through my mind when I read the following:

Set ground rules

No touching of the hair or face. Leave no visible marks.

Set a time limit for negativity

It started 5 minutes ago and will continue for the next 3 years or until we finally force you to quit.

Keep thoughts in the present

Presently I’m thinking you’re the worst manager I’ve ever worked for. You should be bound and gagged.

Wear a rubber band and snap away the negativity

That way you can take it off and use it for your slingshot and hurl burning wads of paper at your nemesis, I mean, your bat-$#@%-crazy manager.

Take some pictures

Relive the kill over and over and over…

Have a favorite saying

“You are unfit to breathe. You are unfit to breathe. You are unfit to breathe.” Repeat it like a mantra.

Play your winners

Hopefully you’ll be more successful than Wile E. Coyote

Look at quality criticism as a plus

After all, no one knows how to say it better (or make you feel worse) than an incompetent nincompoop such as your boss.

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